How I Conceptualize My Life

I have a (potentially bad) habit of conceptualizing my life through fiction. This is probably an artefact of having spent so many years prior to transition feeling like I was watching someone else’s life on TV, but I’m afraid it has not faded since then. For example, I was unshakably convinced that the Pride Collective at my grad school was secretly a situation comedy, in which I was the “ensemble darkhorse” character who started-off as a one-note joke about Nominatissima’s asexual (and closet transgender) “boyfriend.”

It was around two o’clock in the morning, as I sat around a kitchen table in a dingy apartment, surrounded by well-educated-but-unemployed-people talking about quantum cosmology, that it occurred to me that my life had become a really pretentious literary fiction novel. Probably written by a first-time white, male author who thinks that he’s being “edgy” by having transgender characters. I don’t particularly like being a character in this novel, because it’s a bleak and insufferably cynical take on modern life. I would much rather move on to something more positive.

Now I’m worried that, by commenting on this situation, I have made this into a really pretentious, post-modern literary fiction novel.



About thevenerablecorvex

I have the heart of a poet, the brain of a theoretical physicist, and the wingspan of an albatross. I am also notable for my humility.
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3 Responses to How I Conceptualize My Life

  1. pikaperdu says:

    Or your life could be a quirky independent-type comedy drama like ‘Stranger than Fiction,’ in which the character is aware that he is a character but goes about his life all the same. The comedy aspect reduces potential pretentiousness problems while also giving the bleakness of life a more positive spin. 🙂 Makes for an easier-to-live-with genre. Also, independent films and books are less likely to relegate minority populations to side roles.

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