A Pathetic Bit of Whining

Uh-oh! Looks like someone online is a Freethinking Badass (TM) and wants everybody on the Internet to know it!

Ripping-in to the popularity of the facebook page “I fucking love science,” the author writes:

Any time I see people on Facebook simultaneously liking “iCarly, One Direction” and “The Pauly D Project” while also liking fucking loving science, it raises some red flags. The problem is, people who claim to “fucking love” science don’t. They don’t even like science, let alone “fucking love it.”

Yes, don’t you know? True scientists hate iCarly! We spend our leisure hours live-streaming telemetry from the WMAP satellite in graphical format! If every waking minute of your life is not spent calculating relative uncertainties of experimental data, then you’re probably some kind of religious nutter, pal!

But he goes on:

The Internet needs to collectively stop sucking Neil deGrasse Tyson’s dick.

Yup! Because clearly it’s bad for science when an actual scientist actually becomes “popular” or “respected!” Which is unsurprising, of course, since scientists are hardcore nerds, and:

Here’s a quick rule of thumb: if you don’t have to make an effort to get laid, you’re not a nerd.

Yes, take that, all of you physically attractive people who presume to call yourselves “science enthusiasts!” If you have fewer than three pimples per square inch of your skin, then you’re probably some kind of vapid mall-trawling bimbo or something, who wouldn’t know what a “control variable” was if it came-up and took a great big bite out of your ass.

Being a nerd is a byproduct of losing yourself in what you do, often at the expense of friends, family and hygiene. Until or unless you’ve paid your dues, you aren’t welcome. Being a nerd isn’t graceful or glorious. It’s a life born out of obsessive dedication to a craft, discipline or collecting some stupid shit that only you care about.

Indeed! How dare you great, unwashed hordes presume to claim to “like” something unless you’re willing to give-up bathing as a token of your dedication! You people who find time to attend to rudimentary personal hygiene regimens are only diluting the True Nerd Bloodline! Be off with ye, foul degenerates! You make me sick!

Why, claiming to like science without being a scientist! Next thing you know there will be people who claim to like music without being a musician!

People love science in the same way they love classical music or art. Science and “geeky” subjects are perceived as being hip, cool and intellectual. So people take a passing interest just long enough to glom onto these labels and call themselves “geeks” or “nerds” every chance they get.

Indeed! It is quite clearly impossible (and I can back this up with a detailed mathematical proof that I spent my weekend deriving) for anyone to actually like anything that they don’t do for a living for reasons of “aesthetics” or “personal interest.” Clearly all of those dick-bags who claim like art without at the very least having assembled a full Fresco in their living room are just pitiful bourgeois poseurs!

The author wraps-up his argument thusly:

If you think geeks are so sexy or cool, bang one. Go to any university and find a computer or physics lab at 2AM and take your pick.

So of course, we come to the real crux of the matter: the author is bitter because no one is fucking him. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that in reality this probably has less to do with his ‘dedication to his craft’ and more to do with the fact that he’s an insufferable¬† douchebag who gets off on delusions of his own superiority.

You meet people like this in the sciences. I imagine that you meet them in every field of Human endeavour; they are the ones who are obsessed with feeling “more hardcore than thou,” and proving that they are Freethinking Badasses by slapping down all of the poor, benighted fools who only take a casual interest. And the funny thing is that such behaviour isn’t nerdy at all; it’s hipsterish. Seriously, couldn’t you imagine this exact same argument being applied to insufficiently fanatical devotees of the Indie Rock scene?

In any case, given the sheer weight of public apathy towards science, I think that this is the absolute stupidest argument that we, as a community, should be making.


About thevenerablecorvex

I have the heart of a poet, the brain of a theoretical physicist, and the wingspan of an albatross. I am also notable for my humility.
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4 Responses to A Pathetic Bit of Whining

  1. Adrian says:

    I was going to make a comment along the lines of “Science HIPSTER,” but you beat me to it. Anyway, this made me laugh aloud in a public library, so thank you.

  2. Lindsay says:

    [S]uch behaviour isn’t nerdy at all; it’s hipsterish.

    Ooh, burn!

    (Also, I am totally not nerdy enough for this asshole. Never have been, and never will be. In college, I always had between one and three hours every day to spend in the gym, which clearly I should never have even entered. They should’ve posted a warning: Abandon all hope (of nerd cred), ye who enter here!”)

    But then I studied a girly science that probably doesn’t even count as REAL science to him, anyway.

  3. Lindsay says:

    Aaaand another thought occurs to me: his idea of the Perfect Nerd is amusingly in conflict with the pop-culture ideal of nerddom, which is participation in lots of different fan subcultures. Clearly no TRUE nerd would have enough out-of-lab time to amass and hand-paint an army of Warhammer 40K minis, or to make elaborate costumes and go to conventions (or, if your budget won’t allow for cons, going to movies in character … I have done this and it was awesome), or to write fanfiction or make fanart, or to acquire and encyclopedic knowledge of The Lord of the Rings or “Star Trek” or “Star Wars” (and I *DON’T* just mean the movies …), or … etc.

    Maybe you could split hairs and say that this guy is describing nerds, and everything I have enumerated is the domain of the geek, but I would roll my eyes at you if you said that.

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