Of Spambots

I’m sure that every civilized denizen of the Internet can by now agree that anyone who devises an advertising campaign which makes use of spambots should be boiled in a vat of their own saliva. But usually these spam campaigns at least make some veneer of sense in that they try, in some way, to appeal to the reader.

By this standard, the following message that I recieved yesterday is just bloody stupid:

I believe what you published was very reasonable. But, what about this? suppose you were to create a killer title? I mean, I don’t wish to tell you how to run your website, but suppose you added something to maybe grab folk’s attention? I mean Canadian Propaganda | voxcorvegis is a little vanilla. You should peek at Yahoo’s front page and note how they create article headlines to grab people interested. You might add a related video or a picture or two to grab people interested about what you’ve got to say. Just my opinion, it might make your posts a little bit more interesting.

Seriously? Someone thinks that the most effective spambot is one that shows up an insults the author’s writing? Well piss off!

Naturally, I approved the message and responded in the only meaningful way.

Well, thank you for the suggestion, kindly stranger spambot! Now I shall make one for you: why don’t you try rolling around on uncooked hamburger patties until you die of salmonella?

Lamentably for the entire human race, I’m pretty sure that spambots can’t die excruciating deaths of bateriological infection.

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About thevenerablecorvex

I have the heart of a poet, the brain of a theoretical physicist, and the wingspan of an albatross. I am also notable for my humility.
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4 Responses to Of Spambots

  1. There is this thing called “spinning,” by which it takes your words and finds synonyms for them. It is a way of making hundreds of unique articles from one single article. From looking at some of my spam comments, which look a lot like that, it seems that many of them are spun- that is, someone writes a simple paragraph or a few sentences and then puts them through a machine that inserts certain data (the name of your blog, for instance) and then surrounds the data with things that are all the same but different through the use of that spinning device. What I mean is- don’t take it personally 🙂 Those spambots are going to get more and more intense and all we can really do is laugh at them, which is just enough.

    • Oh, I don’t take it personally. I just have a habit of responding to spambots when they say something novel enough to be interesting. I find it helps me keep my insults fresh.

      Maybe I need a hobby.

      • Haha I am glad you do what you do 🙂 keep those insults fresh, stay at arms against the spambots, and good! I was just hoping you were not taking it personally…I have met some who do, and it is good to remember that their words are coming from metal, not from hearts.

  2. Lindsay says:

    Ha! I’ve never gotten criticized by a spambot, but this writing style is one I’ve seen before. Kind of exaggeratedly jolly, with awkward attempts at colloquialism and eccentric word choice, of a kind suggesting injudicious use of a thesaurus program? I have to admit, it took me awhile to figure out that these comments were spam. The style seemed robotic to me, but I also couldn’t quite rule out bookish non-native English speaking human, so I hesitated to delete them. Plus, they didn’t have any of the usual links shilling pills, fraudulent loans, hugely overpriced porn or whatever else. (I later found out comments like that were sort of like advance scouts for other spam comments: if the goofy verbiage is not deleted, other comments, these ones containing the actual ad copy and/or links, would follow.)

    I always imagine these comments spoken by some cartoonish Englishman on safari, the kind of guy who says “pip pip!” and “what ho!” and wears a pith helmet.

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