My anxiety about this transition has recently increased. Not because I no longer want to go through with it–I want to live as a woman longer and harder than I have ever wanted anything else–but because I’m concerned that, no matter what I do or how hard I try, society in general (as distinct from my friends, who have been absolutely wonderful about the whole thing) will never accept me as such. The point was driven home a few days ago, when I went out on a “femme-shopping trip” with Nominatissima and another translady. As I was standing at the crosswalk going to the mall, a man whom I can only (charitably) describe as a “useless eater” came up behind me and started, of course, screaming anti-transsexual obscenities. He had a face like a mushy apple; I’m not sure what could do that to a Human head*, but I hope it hurt like hell. Later when I was actually shopping, I found that none of the nice clothes–not even the XL stuff—fit me.
What am I supposed to do about this, exactly? I can’t change my own bone structure; not even hormonal therapy** can do this to any significant extent. I begin to despair whether I will ever actually get to live my life, no matter how hard I try.
One thing is certain though; I’m going to learn a martial art so that I can defend myself against anyone who decides that he wants to go beyond merely shouting obscenities.
*Blunt force trauma? Is there a physical anthropologist in the house?
**For which I am being evaluated this Friday.