In a Bind

My anxiety about this transition has recently increased. Not because I no longer want to go through with it–I want to live as a woman longer and harder than I have ever wanted anything else–but because I’m concerned that, no matter what I do or how hard I try, society in general (as distinct from my friends, who have been absolutely wonderful about the whole thing) will never accept me as such. The point was driven home a few days ago, when I went out on a “femme-shopping trip” with Nominatissima and another translady. As I was standing at the crosswalk going to the mall, a man whom I can only (charitably) describe as a “useless eater” came up behind me and started, of course, screaming anti-transsexual obscenities. He had a face like a mushy apple; I’m not sure what could do that to a Human head*, but I hope it hurt like hell. Later when I was actually shopping, I found that none of the nice clothes–not even the XL stuff—fit me.

What am I supposed to do about this, exactly? I can’t change my own bone structure; not even hormonal therapy** can do this to any significant extent.  I begin to despair whether I will ever actually get to live my life, no matter how hard I try.

One thing is certain though; I’m going to learn a martial art so that I can defend myself against anyone who decides that he wants to go beyond merely shouting obscenities.


*Blunt force trauma? Is there a physical anthropologist in the house?

**For which I am being evaluated this Friday.


About thevenerablecorvex

I have the heart of a poet, the brain of a theoretical physicist, and the wingspan of an albatross. I am also notable for my humility.
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2 Responses to In a Bind

  1. Lindsay says:

    … I found that none of the nice clothes, even the XL ones, actually fit me.

    What am I supposed to do about this, exactly? I can’t change my own bone structure …

    I’m cis, but I often have this problem as well, due to extremely broad shoulders and thick, muscular arms — most stores’ “straight” sizes (i.e., XS-XL in qualitative terms, 0-14 in quantitative) will not accommodate them. But most plus-size shirts will fit my shoulders; it’s just a matter of a) going to stores where they have plus sizes (which rules out a lot of boutiques) or b) keeping an eye out for differently-cut garments. Like, I can wear a much smaller size in a sleeveless shirt, a halter top, or a shirt with fluttery sleeves than I can in a normal tee.

    (I am assuming breadth of shoulders is a limiting factor for you, as well — is your height also a problem? Because I’m not sure what you can do about that, short of looking for extra-long things online).

  2. The shoulders are indeed a limiting factor. I’m also very tall (especially by female standards) but that’s not as much of an issue since, mercifully, the tiny shirts that were unaccountably in style ten years ago or so have fallen somewhat out of fashion.

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