The Perils of Loving While Asexual

(This one starts out rather disgustingly sappy, but don’t worry, it redeems itself by the end)

If you were here, my dear

I’d give you a rose,

Kiss your red lips

And suck on your toes,

Massage your back

And beep your sweet nose,

All if you said you loved me!

If you want love, my dove

I’d bundle you warm,

Feed you hot chocolate

And hide you from harm,

Cuddle you close

In the embrace of my arms,

All if you said you loved me!

If you’re after a treat, my sweet,

I’d take you to bed,

Throw some soft blankets

Right over our heads,

Rub down your stomach

‘Til your cheeks blushed bright red,

All if you said you loved me!

But alas Love, or so it would seem

Is not this chaste thing of which I do dream

And so when you say you’re “in love with me,”

What you in fact mean is quite plain to see;

That is to say, you want trade and trucking

Between us to be done through that most ancient art:

Fucking.